Thursday, March 5, 2015

Day 4: Fear of being alone - and then some.

Biggest fear as a single person?

I'm sure someone is going to throw around crazy comments like "afraid of being allergic to cats" or "afraid I won't have enough money to feed all my cats."

Luckily, I've found that two dogs keep me busy enough that I don't have time for a house full of felines that may or may not destroy every piece of furniture I have left. I'm good without cats. I'm even better knowing I no longer have to wake up each morning with random scratches on my face or at three in the morning with a psychotic cat holding its paw over my mouth.

Honestly, I think my biggest fear as a single person, in the present, is that I'm a female, at home, in the dark, with no protection, other than my lovely guard dogs who either a) bark at their reflections and nothing else or b) wouldn't hear anything to bark at it until the intruder is standing in my front door (I need a bigger and more vicious dog or some serious self-defense classes).

My other fear, more so for the future, is that I will be sitting in my home, alone, watching TV all day with no one to nag and no energy to do anything else. At some point, my children will be gone and will no longer have time for or give a crap about their mother. They will have their own families to deal with, and I will be stuck sitting here, blowing up their cell phones to harass them, because they will be the only ones left for me to bother - and they won't want that.

After my experience with an internship at a local nursing facility, I have developed a new fear that I never really considered before. One of the most depressing things I have witnessed within the facility is someone who is there simply because there is nowhere else for them to go. They have so much wrong with them and need assistance with daily care, but the facility can't keep them there due to not having enough wrong with them to qualify for long-term care, and there's no one on the outside to rescue them or even to visit them in the facility periodically. They are completely alone - not even anyone there that the facility could call Adult Protective Services on to file an abuse report. It's an even more saddening but happy moment when the day comes where the person qualifies for Hospice care which is the only thing that saves them from having to fend for themselves on the street or in a group home somewhere. That's the one thing that saves them and allows them to remain in the facility for long-term care.

The world becomes a potentially cruel place when you age (my perspective at this point). The idea of living in a cruel world with no one to turn to for comfort or support is scary as hell, and I most certainly do not wish to live in that sort of world.

Day 4: Your biggest fear as a single person.
The Single Woman's 30-Day Blogging Challenge

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