OH STOP BEING ANNOYING ALREADY – WHAT’S YOUR TOP 10 ANNOYANCES?

1. You know, Ford put blinkers on your vehicle too.

- You know those people who just come to a complete stop in the road for no obvious reason whatsoever? They’re the ones who forgot what a blinker is, because they generally just stop right in front of you, then suddenly turn into whatever opening their target is. You get no arm signals, no blinking lights, nothing but some tail lights, if you’re lucky, and a sudden turn.

2. Gee, I wish my driver would wait at the front door for me. Oh wait, I am my driver.

- This seems to happen more often during the colder months. People forget how to walk, so their wonderful driver pulls up in front of the store, puts the car in park regardless of how much room there is to get around them, and lets the shopper out. Sometimes this said driver also sits to wait on them right outside the front door as if they’re the only vehicle in the entire parking lot. I just love going to Wal-Mart when it’s cold outside. Everyone has drivers for Wal-Mart.

3. Unless you are having a private conversation with that pack of ham, I need to get over there to pick it up.

- Another Wal-Mart complaint… I’m sure it happens in other stores as well, but I have the most trouble with it at Wal-Mart. It’s those damn people who stop, oblivious to others around them, and carry on a conversation in front of different shelves in different isles of the store. No, they don’t notice you need to get whatever is on that shelf unless you scream at them to get the hell out of your way.

4. You see that wide open space surrounded by yellow lines? It’s called a turning lane. Guess what it’s used for?

- This one’s for those individuals who stop in the left lane, when there’s a whole separate lane just for turning left, in order to turn across 3 other lanes into an area on the left side of the highway. Uh, excuse me, drive in left lane, turn in TURNING LANE in the CENTER of the highway, and get the hell out of my way.

5. You know, if I wreck and die trying to get there, my son is going to be no better off than he was before.

- So, I get a call from the elementary school. My oldest son is sick, and I needed to go pick him up. These calls always come at the most inconvenient times. I tell them it’s going to be at least thirty minutes before I can get there. I was in a completely different city getting some paperwork together for a new job. They say okay. I call my brother. When he finally calls back, he says he can pick up my son as soon as he gets on some clothes and goes to the bank. I say okay. Ten minutes later, school nurse calls back to ask if someone is coming to pick up my son. You know, I could’ve said I would be there in 5 minutes and then turn on my supercharge in my vehicle (aka floor it) and pray I don’t die trying to get there, but instead, I chose to tell them uncle would be there shortly.

6. Believe it or not, I heard you the first hundred times you said it.

- I know this shouldn’t be on the list, but it is because it annoys me sometimes. The impatience that small children have just drives me crazy. I swear, they say something to you once, and not even giving you time to respond, they repeat it a second, third, fourth, and fifth time within seconds of each other. And if you’re ignoring them for whatever reason, be prepared to hear it at least twenty times before they get the hint that you’ll be a minute. Or better yet, just say ‘okay’ so they at least know you heard them when they said it the first five times.

7. Um, excuse me! I do have my own name, ya know. I am also my own person, believe it or not.

- The other day, I saw someone proudly displaying the words “Baby Mama” all over their profile. Seriously? Rather than proudly telling the world you’re someone’s “baby mama,” why don’t you just simply state that you are no longer your own person. Be proud you have a baby, yes. But, proud that you are someone’s baby mama? Isn’t that sort of like another person’s property? I’m proud that I chose my oldest son’s father. I’m proud that he is his father. I’m proud that I have my children in my life, but I do still have a name. Do not refer to me as so and so’s baby mama. I refuse to be thought of as someone else’s property, and so and so’s baby mama makes me feel as such. Also, outside of “ghetto land,” we prefer the phrase, “that’s my child’s mother,” rather than “that’s my baby mama.” When I hear “that’s my baby mama,” I almost want to break into the Three Six Mafia song. “Yeeno” <—I’m still not real sure what the girl says in the chorus of that “song.”

8. It’s snow people. This is Tennessee. The bread will still be there tomorrow, promise.

-Yes, it’s another grocery store complaint. I hate that place. Why do people here honestly think they need to rush out to the store every time the weatherman yells “chance of snow?” Go move to New York for crying out loud. At least there you’ll have a chance to make stocking up on bread and milk worth it.

9. Come on! This is a small town. I know someone you know owns a police scanner if you don’t already have one hooked up in that raggedy ass vehicle of yours. If nothing else, read the paper tomorrow! It’ll be there! What else do we have to write about?

-People who insist on stopping or slowing to a crawl when they pass a herd of police cars, ambulances, or fire trucks drive me crazy! Okay, so I understand it if these emergency vehicles are in the middle of the road and slowing or stopping is a necessity, but I see no sense in slowing or stopping in the middle of the road when the emergency vehicles are in a parking lot or driveway across the street! The small trashcan fire or the redneck woman who beat the crap out of her wimpy boyfriend will be all over front pages first thing in the morning! I understand small towns get no other action, but seriously people, get over it.

10. Thanks, Mr. Waffle House employee. You just broke my television screen.

-I don’t know if it’s a Southern thing or a small town thing, or maybe it’s an everywhere thing, but have you noticed that the people television crew tend to interview are always un-educated, toothless, or have some other form of stereotyped hillbilly deformity? What happened to the idea of putting someone halfway attractive on television in order to boost program viewing? See, I’m just wrong for this one. Blame it on my mother. It just seems like they always pick the ones least suited for television to interview on television. Yep, pretend I didn’t say everything before that last sentence. :)