Sunday, March 1, 2015
SINGLE? What, is it a disease or something?!
Boy meets girl. Boy is interested in girl. Then boy pops the question...
Why are YOU still single?
One of the most dreadful questions, in my opinion, that can be asked.
I absolutely HATE this question, but nine times out of ten, I would respond with a flattered but slightly annoyed "I don't know" or a "because I just got out of a bad relationship." But, if you had asked me a year or so ago why it annoyed me, I honestly don't think I could have put it into words.
After year two hit of being single and celibate, it dawned on me that I can no longer use the "because I just got out of a bad relationship" response. So, what's left? I don't know? And, that just further annoyed me. In honestly thinking about it, the thought of having to respond with "I don't know" made me feel like something was wrong with me, and that does nothing whatsoever to help a self-esteem.
A while back, I picked up a book by Mandy Hale called The Single Woman. First off, most awesome read EVER! But, what I got out of the book was even better - there's nothing wrong with me! I'm doing something that's right for me, and if that means constantly having to answer the question "why are YOU still single," then so be it.
But, I have begun answering it more honestly and with more thought. Being single is not a disease, but it sure feels like one when someone pops that ignorant and irritating question.
I first had very negative (yet positive) thoughts about being single. Being single meant - I won't get hit anymore; I won't be told I'm worthless anymore; My kids won't hear yelling and fighting anymore; I can have friends and be around family again; I won't have to constantly worry about what drugs are being brought around me anymore; I won't have to worry about whether or not someone is being faithful anymore; I won't have to buy more groceries or pay higher bills for the extra body in my home anymore; I won't have to clean up after another adult anymore; I won't have to worry about having bail money for someone anymore; I won't have to wonder what or how many other girls are in my house or car anymore; And last, but not least, I won't have to feel crazy anymore!
But, being single is so much more than that. It also means I get to make decisions for me and my kids without another's input. I get to spend time with other people, including my family, whenever I want. I get to provide a safe home for my children. I get to meet new people and learn what it is I like, want, and need from a man. I get to sleep on whatever side of the bed I want and use as much of the covers as I want (this is one of my favorite parts). I get to spend time with me and learn to love, and what it is I love about, me. I get to drool over hot guys any and every where I go and don't have to feel guilty about it. I get to be lazy and antisocial when I want.
So, now when someone asks why I'm single, I answer a little more honestly - I'm single because that's my choice (and the best one I've made in years), or because no one has given me a good enough reason to change that status. And, the best one yet, thanks to Mandy Hale - I'm single because I'm too fabulous to settle!
Day 1: Your response to everyone’s favorite question: “And why are YOU still single?”
The Single Woman's 30-Day Blogging Challenge