Co-Dependency: As defined by NMHA.org, co-dependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual's ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as "relationship addiction." A few characteristics of co-dependent people are a tendency to confuse love and pity, a tendency to do more than their share all the time, a tendency to become hurt when people don't recognize their efforts, will do anything to hold onto a relationship, an extreme need for approval and recognition, fear of being abandoned or alone, difficulty identifying feelings, chronic anger, poor communications, difficulty making decisions, and others.
One of the controversies noted with Wikipedia is that people who are co-dependent sometimes have a victim mentality and this, could in fact, signify that the co-dependent person is not in recovery when they, and possibly others, feel they are. This particular paragraph states that a co-dependent person in actual recovery will not have the victim mentality. Whether or not this has any truth to it is another story.
For me, being in a healthy relationship is about as well-known as the show Laugh In is to a 13 year old. In the past, I have been known to enter into relationships and remain in unhealthy ones simply because someone looked at me and said you can't have that. The stubborn side of my personality looked back and said "watch me."
This known fact along with my apparent co-dependency has lead me down the path of destruction numerous times. I never would've admitted the latter part until now - after being able to identify my last relationship with "Love the way you lie," having a close friend tell me that's co-dependency at it's finest, and then working within a program that specializes in working with families who have substance abuse problems.
I've had that victim mentality for years now, but I'm finally beginning to shed it with my constant realizations that I, too, played the perpetrator in my previous relationships, or more specifically, my last. Yes, I was a victim, but I was also a perpetrator in that I provided some level of verbal, physical, and psychological abuse as well that very much played a part in what I received in return.
Now, I look back and realize, I have a child with this man. And maybe, just maybe, I didn't give our relationship a fair enough chance. I know I've grown since then. Maybe I should give him the opportunity to prove to me he has as well. Or maybe he hasn't. Either way, if that opportunity is there, I may just have to take it in order to say to myself that I gave it an honest shot and it just didn't work. Or, could this very well be proof that I'm still playing the co-dependent role?
Eh, if it goes bad, I can always go tattle to my mother that Tyler Myrth put me up to it.
Blogophilia 35.4 Topic: "You Can't Have That"
(Hard, 2pts): include a reference to the 60s series "Laugh In"
(Easy, 1pt): tattle on another Blogophiliac
Final date to post BLOG: November 2nd, 2011 GMT (TUESDAY) midnight
Final date to post ALL GUESSES: October 30th, 2011 GMT (SUNDAY) midnight**
**if you are having trouble converting GMT to your local time, midnight GMT is 7pm Eastern or 4pm Pacific time (the date is the previous day)