Today was my first day of classes!
You curious to know how I spent it?
Too bad, I’m telling anyway.
I got my hopes up today. I was excited while racing to my 8 a.m. Senior Seminar class.
Why? Because, for whatever reason, deep down, I had convinced myself that he would be there.
Maybe the convincing was partly due to the fact that I have recently decided to re-read the Twilight saga – yes, for the third time.
A hopeless romantic like myself can’t really expect anything different outside of convincing myself that this strange, glorious God of a man whom I don’t know will show up in my first class and sweep me off my feet after reading things like -
“Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars – points of light and reason… And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn’t see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything.”
Or things like -
“I thought I explained it clearly before. Bella, I can’t live in a world where you don’t exist.”
Oh, and I definitely couldn’t expect myself to think any differently when I’m reading about the way he kisses her hair, forehead, nose, behind her ears, her neck, blowing his sweet breath in her face, etc etc…
Back to the point.
I was disappointed today. I somehow convinced myself that he would be on campus – that I would see him on campus.
And no one came to sweep me off my feet in my first class today… NO ONE. Well, the one I was hoping for didn’t, and that was all that really mattered.
Obsessive… Once before I was obsessive and only obsessive. Now, I’m damned near determined, crazy, psycho, obsessive, whatever you want to call it – or possibly a twisted combination of all of the above. Or maybe I’ve just gotten my head too deep into these books – which is a definite possibility.
I no longer hope to see him on campus.
I HAVE to see him on campus. I WANT that man! And not for sexual pleasure before you let the perverted side wander.
I just have to know just why I’ve been obsessively thinking about this man since March. I just have to know just why I’ve been driving myself crazy inside my head because of a man whose name I don’t even know – hmm some of you know part of this, but I shall not admit it here since it does show a little crazier side to my brain.
The saying goes - “if you can’t get someone out of your head, maybe they’re supposed to be there.” Why is he there? Why can’t I get him out of my head?
I need to go read more blood and guts related books rather than this sappy romance bullshit that never happens in real life.
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